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.......What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had. "I couldn't believe it — she was actually going to turn down my offer of a ride. I felt a surge of anger — what was I, an ax-murderer?"OK, suit yourself," I said coldly, and got in my car. I saw my cell phone sitting on the passenger seat, and for some reason I decided to make a final gesture."Here, you can call a taxi from my cell phone. I don't think there are any pay phones around here." She had already started to walk away, and for a second I thought she was going to turn this offer down too. But she finally turned around and came back."Thanks," she said quietly, taking the phone. She dug around in the little carry bag behind her bike seat and pulled out a card, and then she started to dial. After a few digits she stopped, and I figured she didn't know how to use the cell phone."Hit the green power button first and then just..."She was biting her lip, and tears were rolling down her face. I had never seen anyone look so sad, and I felt my anger melt away."What's the matter,.
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